


What's with this family?!

by Anne_Harlowe



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Mild implied sexual content, No Smut, Romance, Scenarios, Vulgar Language, first fanfic in AO3, light fluff, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2019-06-01 18:52:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15149618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anne_Harlowe/pseuds/Anne_Harlowe
Summary: This series will forever be ongoing





	1. Chapter 1

It was a bright morning, the trees were swaying, the birds were singing. Just a quiet and peaceful morning....... is what one would hope to say after getting woken up from loud screaming. What happened? Markus thinks someone stole his expensive underwear. Who in their right mind steal underwear from a android? Well the main suspect is Simon and he is crying in the corner.

Kara is trying to keep her shit together but her patience is shedding away faster than Markus's skin. Connor is on patrol so he was the only lucky not to experience this shitty ass train reck. Markus wanted to wear that underwear tonight on his date with North in a case of *wink*wink. Hank was laughing at the fact that Markus is actually getting laid. Markus was the king of tsunderes  and the for the first time a girl is actually into him.

"Alright listen up you shit get your self together and remember where you last put it"  
Said hank " I do remember it was in my closet on the top shelf and its gone now!" Yelled Markus. "You know what? We still have time let's check all the possible places you could have left it and find it before your date okay Markus? So now calm down" Kara said that calmly even though one could clear see that she is pissed off. Just then they heard the door click open, they turned around and saw Connor who was so conveniently back from his patrol. "Oh look Connor is back he can also help us to find your shitty underwear" Simon said bitterly. Poor Connor just stood there.....confused.

***  
Mission: find missing underwear  
Positions:  
Hank-the laundromat  
Simon-house laundry  
Connor-the backyard and agatha's house  
Kara-comfort Markus  
Sumo- comfort Markus  
Markus- bawl your eyes out

***  
Markus 

Was crying

***  
Kara and Sumo  
Was comforting the man of a baby.

***  
Simon 

The poor child was accused of stealing the underwear thus he was eager to prove his innocence. He was practically digging through the hamper like an ostrich. He was so eager that half his body was in the washing machine. Suddenly his hand that was balancing him slipped then he fell into the machine and oh so conveniently turned it on.  
"SOMEBODY HELP MEEE!!!!!!!"

***  
Hank

He Went to laundromat that they usually use when the washing machine is too occupied. Suddenly he bumped into a lady and dropped her laudry. The lady turned out the be the creepy girl he dated in college as a bet and dumped her after a month. "You still love me don't you hanky poo?" She said while giving a repulsive pout "uhh no i don't samantha!" He hissed the she started crying and started saying "Hey! This fucker cheated on me and left me pregnant!" All the customers were surrounding him. Let's say they he won't be able to walk for the next two months 

***  
Connor

Connor checked the back yard but found nothing so his only option was to check agatha's garden, the sweet old lady who was their neighbor. So he went to her house nd ringed the doorbell the door clicked open revealing agathe clad in a one piece swimsuit  
"Why hello handsome. You alone today?" She said while wiggling her eyebrows . Oblivious to her flirting Connor said "Hello Agatha can i check if some of our laundry fell into your garden Agatha." "Sure handsome" she said. "You know Connor you can leave that android wife of yours and have a real woman. You could be my husband number 7." She said while stroking his butt. Connor got what she was doing now so he dashed out of the house faster than a cheatah  
***  
That night  
Everyone was in the living room exhausted from the days activities when Markus came and said "GUYS I FOUND MY UNDERWEAR!!!" He said excitedly "Really where?" Said hank "Well it turns out I was wearing it the entire time!" The room was dead silent after that until Simon broke the silence "I was accused of theft and was thrown inside a fucking washing machine!" Then hank exclaimed "Bastard! I ran into my ex and she had me beaten up by everyone in laundromat" And Connor practically yelled "AND I WAS FRISKED BY A SEVENTY YEAR OLD LADY!!!!" Now everyone except Kara and sumo was surrounding Markus. Let's just say that his date was postponed for the next six months.

*thas it guys I really hope you enjoyed it thank you sooo much for reading this crap. Leave a like if you want to see more Agatha and leave your feedback and requests on the suggestion box.


	2. Tequila mocking bird (aka Drunk!Connor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lets forget how androids work for now

"Oh, sé que te gusta esa vieja bruja de al lado" (Oh i know you like that old hag next door) said Kara "es por eso que siempre vas a su casa, para que puedas ser golpeado" (that is why you always go to her house, so you can get hit on) "Bueno, tal vez debería ser su marido porque estoy bastante seguro de que ella no será tan perra como tú" (Well maybe I should be her husband instead cause i am pretty sure she won't be as close of a bitch as you are) Connor snapped back "Bueno, tal vez debería dejarte por Gavin y luego"(Well, maybe I should leave you for Gavin and then) she said sarcastically  
"Well fine then!" Connor snapped even though he looked like he was about to cry. Kara one other hand was as strong as steel. Connor pouted like a seven year old grabbed hank and Markus who were watching the ordeal with everyone else in the household and stomped out of the house slamming the door behind him.

***  
"Connor we don't drink alcohol!" Exclaimed Markus "We do now. Bartender three shots of tequila" ordered Connor.  
"Fine but only two shots" Markus said reluctantly "I don't care as long as I have alcohol."

*21 shots later  
cal  
Hank was puking, Markus was crying and Connor was drunk texting. It was an interesting sight to say the least. "Heyyy, I exing kiara. Wha I'll shay?" Connor asked Markus with a goofy laugh "shell her that she is pwetty." Then he added "pwetty fugly." They both laughed like idiots while texting it. How ever Hank on the other hand "Agatha why'd leaf mehh? For that CEO vat wash 'is name? Oh! Billy Doors." He started to bawl his eyes "Why is life soo harrdd!!?"  
"Pfft HARD!" Markus snorted and him and Connor started laughing like idiots again. Then someone's phone started ringing; it was Markus' phone "Guys shut up I have a call from North" he whispered "ooooh, Noorrth smoochie smoochie!"giggled Connor and Hank "Shush" Markus hissed "hello babyy, how are youu? No I ain't drunk you're drunk.I misssss youuuu *makes kissing sound on the phone*" . "NORTH AND MARKUS SITTING ON A TREE K.I.S.S.I.N.G" those two idiots acted like 12 year olds who caught their friend having a girlfriend. 

***

3:00 am  
Connor called a taxi and came back home as Markus went to North's place and Hank decided stay at the bar. Suddenly a voice behind him called "CONNIE POO!!!!" Said the lady "Kara?" He asked "Yes Connie poo?" "I am shhhorry for calling you a bish" He said while crying "It's okay!" She exclaimed but then she mumbled "cause I am one". " Did you say something honey?" He asked "N-No uhh nothing for you to worry about" she defended "you know what? Let's get you to bed so you'll feel better" he the nodded and kissed her. "Oh my" she whispered

***  
Next morning

Connor woke up from the sun shining on his eyes, some of his bio components slowed down from the alcohol thus he was bit drowsy but not as drowsy as a human would be. He turned over on the bed which suspiciously different but his eyes were half closed and sensors were slow so he was not bothered to check. His eyes met some green one's "Good morning Connie poo" wait this was- he screamed and said "HELP I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY AGATHA!!!!"

Thank you guys so much for reading and again leave requests if you like to see any other scenarios and don't forget to leave some kudos if you enjoyed this.Byeee!


	3. Tequila mocking bird pt 2

"Where is Connor?!" Asked Kara "We dunno, we just went out to have a drink and he just disappeared." Shrugged Hank "yOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU LOST MY HUSBAND??!!!!" Yelled Kara. "Lost? Pfft more like ran away from a witch wife." Chuckled Markus but that grin soon disappeared when Kara gave him her death glare. A cold chill ran down both their spine. "You know what? He may have gone to work." Suggested Markus "Today is his DAY OFF MARKUS. DAY OFF!" Ooh she was pissed. Hank pulled Markus towards him and whispered "Do android women PMS?" Markus just shrugged he new as much about the female android bodily function as much as Connor knew about sex.

Suddenly Alice walked in the room " Hey I just recieved an SOS from dad" "Really? What did he say?" Kara hurriedly asked "He said that he is kidnapped by someone name 'Hag'" oh no. "MISSION:CODE RED MAKE WAY TO THE EMERGENCY MEETING ROOM!" Kara ordered "Alice do your homework" she did not want her daughter to be scarred for life. "Aww but I want to have fun." She whined with puppy dog eyes "sigh* fine you can play fortnite all day." Kara tried to bargain which seemed to work as the girl happily ran up to her room.

***  
"Alright in this mission we all be using code names." Kara had every one line up as if they are in the military. "Yes mam!" They replied

" I will be eagle one"  
"Luther is been there done there"  
"Connor is currently doing that"  
"Simon is it happened once in a dream"  
"North is if I had to pick a chick"  
"Hank is my father"  
"And Markus is.....eagle two"  
"Oh thank god" Markus sighed  
"SOLDIERS LISTEN UP!!! THIS DISAPPOINTMENT OF A HUMAN IS NO ORDINARY PERSON YOU MUST REMEMBER SHE HAD THREE OF HER HUSBANDS MURDERED AND TWO KIDNAPPED"  
"YES MAM!" They replied  
"YOU MUST BE DILIGENT, YOU MUST BE VIGILANT AND MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU MUST FIND 'CURRENTLY DOING THAT'"   
"YES MAM!"  
" NOW GET INTO POSITIONS!! GO GO GO!!"

20 minutes later  
Hank walked up to Agatha's house with a rose bouquet and rang the doorbell. She opened the door and said "Well if it isn't my old lover, Frank" "It's Hank, so Agatha how about we have lil chit chat?"

*Meanwhile*  
Through earpieces "Markus and Simon monitor the CCTV, Luther babysit Alice and Hank keep distracting Agatha." "ROGER!" Said everyone except Hank cause obvious reasons.  
"North, you stay behind me in the hallway in case that hag comes you stab her k?"  
"Happily" she replied  
"Good but for now you go left I go right."  
They both nodded to each other and went to their respective ways.

*Hank at tea with Agatha*  
"To let you know Frank I am over you now"  
"It's HANK!" He snapped   
"Oh potatoe, potato"  
"Now I have a 26 year old husband." She bragged. Hank has never felt more sorry for his son.  
"Yeah, but don't you also have a son of the same age?" Hank shot back.  
Agatha hissed in return

*Back with Kara*  
She opened the door to a room with the showers on. She assumed that Connor might have been in there since no one else lived in Agatha's house, if they did they were probably her tea by now. When she went in poor Kara saw a half naked man who was NOT Connor, fresh out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel."s-sorry, wrong room." Before she could leave the man grabbed her arm and said "Hey there beautiful, I am Gavin and You are?" "Unavailable" she said while trying to pry her arm out of his grip as soon as she did Kara was dashing for the door but Gavin beat her to it and blocked the doorway "Oh, sweetheart don't play hard to get. Nothing serious, just some naked tango for one night. You know you want me." He said seductively while backing her up against the wall. Damn it! Where is North when you Need her?

As he was about he was about to kiss her the door burst open and someone came in yelling "DON'T TOUCH MY WIFE WITH YOUR FILTHY HANDS!!!" It was her Connor coming into her rescue even though she was supposed to be saving him. Suddenly more footsteps came in. It was Agatha with everyone else "What's with all the commotion?"

***  
"Connor I am soo sorry I got you in this situation." Said Kara while cuddling with him on the sofa "I am sorry too" he replied "But hey we won't be seeing Agatha again for a while now." He chuckled and kissed her forehead. Basically they used the cctv pfootage of Agatha kidnapping Connor to get a restraining order against her. Agatha is not allow within 10 feet of Connor. Of course they left out the bit where they broke into her house.

*In case anyone is confused Kara never actually seen Gavin she just heard Connor complain about him all the time. That's why she doesn't recognise him.


	4. I love jesus

Cast:  
Connor=Carlos

Kara=Camilla

Alice=Esmeralda

***

"Carlos I'm home."

"Camilla my love, where have you been? I was very lonely without you it was as if my entire world has fallen apart!"

Hank:*from another room* idiot she's been gone for thirty minutes not thirty years!

*Ignoring Hank*

"Carlos I went to church today for the first time and it opened my eyes and I realised.."

"What did you realise my love?"

"I realised that I-"

"You realised what my love?

"That I..."

"Yes?"

"I love Jesus"

*dramatically falling on his knees crying*

"How could you my love? How could you betray my love like that?"

"Carlos are you okay?"

*Shows his hand*

"Don't speak Camilla! For two years I have given you my loyalty and this is how you repay me? What about the memories we've shared? What about Esmeralda?!"

"Carlo-"

"No! Don't speak I have to go and give Jesus a peace of my mind!"

"Wait it's not what you-"

*He already left for DPD station*

He goes in to the building finds Gav- I mean Jesus' desk, grabs him by collar and punches him in the face.

"THIS IS FOR STEALING MY LOVE!!!  
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHIINNGG!!"

 

THE END  
Gavin=Jesus


End file.
